omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
