Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
