why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
