Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
please come you make the beer taste better
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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