Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
