I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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