Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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