i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
