I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
