Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
