he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
