his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
