i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
