I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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