So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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