I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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