dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
