There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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