Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
