I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
