I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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