Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
