the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
