I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
