I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
