so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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