In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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