so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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