in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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