I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
