she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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