Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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