I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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