I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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