Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
