dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
