I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
