I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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