Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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