How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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