You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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