yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize