apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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