i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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