Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
