At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
