Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
