I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
