I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
