I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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