totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
