Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
