I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
