when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
