My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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