It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
