I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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