You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
