I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
