I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
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The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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