Your mouth is God's brothel.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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