i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
