My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
