well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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