btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize