hotel room ftw
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I pour the whiskey from now on
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
