I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
